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5 Golden Don’ts on How To Approaching Anyone!

Have you ever looked around the room when you first walked in, scanning for someone who may look interesting, single, and even attractive to converse with? How about when you're sitting alone at a bar and you're hoping someone that actually has a bit of class approaches you instead of the typical picker-upper with their cheesy and overused lines? Don't worry, we all feel this way. And the fortunate part for this set of advice is that you do happen to find someone who is very appealing. Excellent, except for one thing... How do you talk to them...?

As a relationship and life coach, I can give you 5 winning rules on how to break the ice with anyone. The best way to succeed is to know what to avoid and with these tips, you'll find them to be handy and extremely efficient.


1. Don't approach the person with the expectation of rejection.

Your mind is your friend, but if not properly nurtured and loved, it can be your enemy. Without you realizing it, your fear and thoughts project themselves in your mannerisms and aura. If you can fake the confidence, the person can see it in your aura because you'll give off discomfort.

To fix this issue, identify what your fear is and argue it down so good, the fear becomes an irrational thought that's apprehending you from interacting with who could be the one. For most people, this sort of fear of rejection has a lot to do with how you feel about yourself. Before you meet with anyone, come up with at least 7 reasons why you're an amazing person to yourself (make sure it has nothing to do with benefiting others' needs; try focusing on personality, behavioral, or intellectual traits for starters). It's very easy to rattle off a list of what makes us unpleasant, but finding real confidence in yourself is the most reliable way to give out good vibes and knowing yourself is the best way to start.


2. Don't go in without clear intentions.

What are you looking for? Why are you about to talk with this person? What are you trying to get out of this rapport in the end?

This understanding will help you narrow down your expectations in yourself. If it's for sex, you'll want to have that clearly in your mind as that being your goal. If you want to see how they are as a person to possibly be a potential partner, that's good too.

By getting your goals clear in your head, you'll be focusing on yourself and what you're looking for in a person rather than if you'll be a right fit for the person of interest. This whole situation is for you, so to capitalize on this moment, make sure they are in your preferences at all times.


3. Don't go straight into the goal.

"Hey, I'm Andy and I want to ask you out on a date," — [scratches record] Okay, Andy. There's nothing wrong with knowing what you want, but remember, you are trying to make sure that they are within your preferences to consider them as a potential partner. Going straight in for the date is alright, but I'd love for you to test the water first. So, sparking up a conversation is the better approach instead of gunning for the finish line.

Extra tip: if you need help relaxing, have a drink before interacting. The goal with the drink is not to get buzzed or drunk, it's to loosen up. For my lovely people out there that can't or don't like drinking, chewing gum or having a mint is a good way of distressing as well, because chewing or eating is associated with a relaxed time which can calm your mind greatly.


4. Don't start off talking about yourself or talk about yourself too much!

I'm not saying you're not worth talking about, because you are very special, especially after you had gone through rule #1 and found out amazing things about yourself that you can be proud of. However, the purpose of rule 1 was to help you see that you are an interesting and great person to be around for yourself and to build your confidence. You'll have plenty of time to share yourself when the opportunity arises, however as we talked about in rules 2 & 3, you're analyzing this person to be your type! How can you check to make sure this person is the right person for you if you're rambling about your skills and talents, interest in the Boston Red Sox, or your favorite video games right off the bat?

Focus on what you want to know about the person of interest. You can successfully do this by asking them questions about something your interested in OR something you may dislike. Ask them about what they like to do, while developing your own opinions on the topic. Wh-questions are golden and asking for opinions on things will get the person you're talking with really engaged and will gush with information. Always have yourself in mind, but ask questions to get the other person involved. Really listen to them too, you don't want to miss how they might like to eat birds with their barehands after freshly shooting them out of the sky.

Also, by always considering yourself, you'll ask authentic questions that you are truly interested in knowing the answers to.


5. Lastly, but importantly, DON'T LIE.

That's right. No matter what, be absolutely 100% honest. There's a huge disadvantage to lying that will throw the information-gathering process out of whack! When you lie, you'll be so distracted(consciously or subconsciously) with the fact that you've falsified info that you'll be susceptible to missing cues when the other person might be lying to you.

So, be bold and be honest. However, don't confuse honesty with blabbering info that people don't need to know. Don't feel like you have to divulge more than your comfortable with as well, but be sure it's not fudging the truth at any point.

Along with this rule, don't ever say you like something to get them to like you. Lying about an opinion will bug you, because it's not truly yourself. If you don't like something, be honest about it. Be tactful about it, of course, but it shows you are your own person when you consider yourself. If you do like something or agree with something, you have nothing to worry about!

Dating is hard and yet so simple. Self-love has a lot to do with these "don't" rules, because breaking the ice to get to know someone should be for you and your knowledge of what you're looking for in a partner. You are just as important, if not more important than the person you're wanting to converse with. Just think, if something leads after this lovely back-and-forth, it's because you have approved of the person as the right match. I know what you might be thinking, that's seriously big-headed of me to think that. Good news, it isn't! The other person was analyzing you as you were talking to them. It's simply human nature.


Best of luck and happy dating!

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