Many of us enter this life knowing that we have painful lessons to learn, but often we are not prepared for them when they arrive. We are all human beings having a human experience in this Earthly realm. Show kindness and compassion, and most importantly, patience, when engaging with people who are not at your level of understanding. We all need support to rise up sometimes or space to handle change and transformation.
Don't delay telling them the truth.
The longer you delay telling them the reality of what has happened, the harder it will be for them to accept what has happened. It's better not to leave them in a state of uncertainty. Decide exactly how you want to tell them what has happened and do it in such a way that they feel safe and comfortable around you. Make sure they know you are there to support them during this time and afterward.
Be simple and direct.
It may seem like a good idea to have a long inspirational speech, but sometimes just being direct and straightforward is the best way to relay bad news. If you are being authentic with them and are fully present, they will remember and take with them. Your presence and directness will help them face whatever is happening, especially knowing you are there alongside them.
Allow them time to process.
Kids may need to take time to process what you have told them, so don't be surprised if they don't react too much at first. Grief and loss may be a new experience for them, and they will need to learn how to sit with their emotions without judgment and hold their own space for grief. It is different for everyone, so allow your child to get in tune with their process.
Let them ask questions without judgment.
Your family may be very religious or spiritual, but your child may still be trying to understand what that means to them. When someone is suddenly gone, it causes people to have somewhat of an existential crisis and evaluate their own lives. This is especially true of children who are still trying to figure out who they are and their place in the world. Allow them to ask any questions that they may have and answer them honestly but without criticism. They need kindness and patience the most right now.
Express emotions together.
As your child grieves, you will grieve with them. You may be in different speeds or places, but sharing how you feel in the process hopes your child knows they are not alone. Be encouraging and vulnerable, but don't be overwhelming. Your child should know that you are there for them and not the other way around. It's essential to be the parent and look for help elsewhere when handling the more grown aspects of grief.
Don't tell your child how to grieve.
Everyone grieves differently, so it is important not to shame or guilt your child if they are not suffering in the same way you anticipated. Grief sometimes manifests as anger or depression. You may find your child acting out when they used to be very well-behaved. Being supportive and vulnerable with your child should help through this process, but it may take some time.
Conclusion
Losing family members is no easy experience. Allow yourself and your children time to process how they are feeling and come from a place of unconditional love and understanding.