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Valentine's Day is approaching, and energy is running high if you are hoping to reunite with an ex, move forward into an engagement, looking at starting a family together, and wanting a super romantic Valentine's Day recognition from your beloved.
You have a script in your mind for what you want and expect to happen, what you want and feel that you need to hear to feel that your romantic partner understands you, and even abrupt changes that you hope will occur to heal the tension in your relationship.
There is no magic pill, but there is a principal that does make for a healthy and long-term romantic pairing. In the years that I have been doing this work, and in talking to my parents, aunts and uncles over the years, all married at least 50 years (and to the same person!), I have gathered pearls of wisdom which have helped me in my work.
They shared this with me:
Be 100% committed to each other. Regardless of what is happening in your lives, your commitment is to each other. None of them ever cheated, strayed, or spoke badly of the other, but remained in a committed state, even when they felt they had fallen out of love. Fortunately this did not happen with both people at the same time. Rarely was the distribution even. They hung in there, though, and when other couples were divorcing, they fell in love again and again. They survived loss, financial issues, parenthood, and through it all, they were determined to stay together and make the best of it. (please note that abusive relationships are different and not at all acceptable).
They learned to laugh and play together as a couple and as a family, building positive memories whenever possible.
When they did have feelings for other people, they held their commitment higher than the feeling, for their marriages were not based on feeling, but on a practical foundation:
Not all their Valentine's Days, Wedding Anniversaries, and holidays were over-the-top romantic, but there were meaningful to them.
They were responsible for their own happiness, and took ownership for their lives.
They accepted their husband//wife for their strengths and short comings.
They learned how to fight fair, sticking to the issue at hand and not bringing up old wrongs.
They never went to bed angry.
They supported each other, even when they did not understand what the other was going through.
They kept their word, and refrained from name calling, blame, shame, and guilt.
They held hands, kissed, and hugged.
They woke up 100% committed to each other and went to bed 100% committed to each other.
LOVE IS WORK:
To have a satisfying a healthy long-term romantic relationship, it takes effort by both people consistently. Real love is unconditional and is not based in "feeling in love" but in having committed to love one another.
IF YOU FIND YOURSELF BEING THE ONLY ONE WORKING IN THE RELATIONSHIP, and no matter what you do, you cannot get our romantic partner to put in the effort, it may be time to walk away so you can meet someone that will. It is better to be single than to be in a relationship, and live a single life.
Communication is of course, important, but it is when your words and actions are in alignment that you know you have a keeper.
Happily ever after becomes, committed for the rest of our lives.
Have enough dignity to walk away from abusive relationships, and to get the help you need to reset your sense of self before walking into the next relationship. You are very likely to attract this kind of person again if you jump right into another relationship for fear of being alone. Learn from your past, take the wisdom from it. Please do so especially if there are children involved, they are watching and learning from you about their future relationships.
I hope that you each have met the one that will ride out the waves together, committed to the waves that life can bring and to making this journey together.
Thank you for sharing this time together.
I love you and I believe in you.
In Divine Love and Truth,