The Biggest Dating Blunder: Insights from Psychic Shira
Bright Greetings,
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THE BIGGEST DATING BLUNDER: I have done thousands of relationship readings, and there is a common pattern that determines your level of successfully finding a mate that acts as a barrier. I am also an ordained reverend of 20 years, and every couple that I have chosen to officiate at their nuptials are still together. A zero divorce rate because I was selective about the relationships I decided to endorse.
This pattern in dating is especially encouraged online and now on your smartphone dating apps. It is easy to slide right or left or to message multiple people.
IF YOU ARE SERIOUS ABOUT WANTING A HAPPY LONG-TERM RELATIONSHIP... Date one person at a time.
When you are talking to multiple people romantically at one time, you are really getting to know them superficially. It becomes more critical that they want a long-term relationship with you versus you seeing something in them that brings your focus into wanting to partner with them. This can lead to what I will call a "desperate or needy vibe." If there was a romance repellent, this is it! You are looking for interest in you rather than someone that embodies the ideal qualities of a future husband or wife. You cannot prevaricate your dating choices this way without risking having your heart broken and attracting people who are miss/mister right now.
DATE OR TALK TO ONE PERSON AT A TIME: Talk to them, get to know what they like, what they don't like, meet their friends and family, and don't settle for a standard lower than you set out seeking in your quest for your forever sweetheart.
Please give them a chance to get to know you as well, and be yourself. Remember that this is a mutual process based on respect, building trust, communication, empathy, and healthy boundaries.
IT IS NOT UNCOMMON IN A PSYCHIC READING... for there to be several potential mates, and wanting to know the outcome IF they are chosen. This is Russian Roulette in dating!
By talking to one person at a time, you achieve several things:
1. Given time, if they are a narcissist, they will be unmasked. My favorite YouTube personality for recognizing and dealing with a narcissist is Rebecca Jung. If you have had a string of narcissists in your life, she has amazing insights.
2. You give yourself space and time to evolve, or as the case may be, not grow as a couple. If this is a positive pairing, there will be growth as individuals and as a couple.
3. You give your friends and family that love you time to meet them and let you know what they think and what they see in them. More importantly, how being with them has changed you!
4. You have a chance in conversation or action to see the red flags, so you know exactly where your energy is being assigned. Don't like what is happening, pull back and reassess!
5. You have the opportunity to see if they keep their promises. This is so important. If they break their work early in the dating cycle, stop thinking about how you would feel if this were a long-term relationship.
6. If you find your life pulled out of balance and all of your energy going to the relationship, you might want to pull back. Remember that you have work, school, friends, and family. Don't let your life become one-dimensional. Maintain your personal interests and, again, have healthy boundaries.
BUT BEFORE YOU EVEN VENTURE FORTH INTO THE DATING REALM... Know the characteristics of your ideal mate!
Take the time to create a list and be detailed. When you make your list, do not have anyone in mind, for instance, your sexy co-worker. If you have a non-smoker on your list, hold fast to that value. It is in making exceptions on crucial issues that you may find yourself in another dead-end relationship. At some point, if you did select someone hooked on cigarettes, pipe, or cigars, the smoking is likely to be an issue (once the rose-colored glasses are off).
KNOW THAT YOU ARE WORTH SO MUCH MORE... and do not accept less than you want. This is lowballing yourself, which bleeds into all other areas of your happiness, success, and abundance.
LET ME GIVE AN EXAMPLE... Several years ago, I was dating someone that was fun and interesting. I would not call them long-term, but we had a great time walking our dogs together, meeting for lunch occasionally, and playing darts and pool together. But I did not feel comfortable having them around my friends or family. I knew at best we were casual friends and not someone that represented my actual values. My plus one at weddings, non-profit galas, and other events where the person next to me counted were not even on the list! My plus one remains to this day, one of my daughters, for they are socially savvy, educated, eloquent, and represent our family with grace and distinction. This became especially important when I became president for a county chapter of a non-profit organization this year.
I had to go back to my ideal list and increase the values. I have more at stake than I did previously and many people counting on me, including, but not limited to, you (my amazing MYP family!).
IT IS KEY... When you create your relationship manifesto, you are in alignment with your core value, ethics, morals, and beliefs. Establish a healthy relationship with yourself FIRST. When you do this, you will find that you actually start to attract ideal people into your life, and by spending time together, you are all the better at knowing one another. Your growth and evolution will determine the state of the relationships you have chosen.
Thank you for our time together. Hold to your ideals and see that you can thrive and evolve!
I love you, and I believe in you.
In Divine Truth and Love,
Psychic Shira
